Emotional Link
by ambientbliss
Summary: Stiles was handling everything pretty well. He wasn't hurt by Malia leaving him, but he was blind sided when his nightmares sparked again and a torn Lydia came to his rescue.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: The timeline is different in this fic than the show. Surrounds Stiles, the coming to an end of Stilia, and the beginning of Stydia. Post Nogitsune. Stiles struggles with nightmares, and his emotions.

** I do not own Teen Wolf or its characters, but sometimes I wish I owned Stiles ;)

The school year has ended, and it took all of Stiles' energy just to finish without failing every class. The Nogitsune really took a toll on him, he still experiences nightmares - but not as bad as before - and he is more erratic than ever. Malia has helped him through it. Scott has been trying as well, but it is impossible to keep him around all the time so Malia comforts him at night.

This particular night was strange. Before going home Stiles had ran into Lydia. They hadn't spoken much after Aiden died. Lydia made it clear that she didn't blame him, but it was mostly Stiles who was actively trying to give her space. That's what he told himself anyway. He knew it was avoiding, but it sounded better when he said he was giving her space. Lydia's smile burned into his mind, so he felt extra distracted that evening when he got home. His dad noticed his behavior. "Son have you been taking your adderall lately?"

 _So nonchalant._ Stiles thought while he picked at the last of his food. "Yeah pops. I'm just a little extra distracted today." He flashed a quick smile hoping that it would quell any more questions about the topic. He really didn't want to discuss his guilt for Lydia's late boyfriend… again. "Okay. I'm just making sure you are okay." John knew something was wrong but he could tell Stiles didn't want him to push this time. They finished dinner in silence.

When Stiles retreated to his room he couldn't focus on reddit, or any of his usual computer tracks. He settled for trying to sleep. Wearing his dad's old army shirt that he snuck from his room and a pair of flannel pajama bottoms he crawled into his bed and tried to sleep. Instead he found himself staring at the ceiling and drumming his fingers on his chest. Eventually the slow thumping rhythm of his fingers lulled him to sleep. It wasn't long after that he felt a depression in his bed, and a warm body pull up to him. Malia. With her next to him he was able to actually fall asleep.

Malia roused with a bit of confusion. Stiles was tossing and turning a little more than usual, and he was mumbling. Even with her werecoyote hearing she couldn't make out the words. She knew the nightmare was coming, and she wanted to pull him from it before it hit full blast. Gently she shook his shoulder. "Stiles." She shook him a little more, "Hey, Stiles. Wake up." His body rolled towards her, brow furrowed. His voice was almost a low groan, "Lydia?" When there wasn't a response he opened his eyes slowly, fighting the sleep to find a very angry Malia sitting up in his bed. _Shit._

Stiles sat up, stammering for something to say. Trying to explain why he just called her Lydia. He knew exactly why. _Because you saw her, and you were having_ that _dream again._ "Well don't just sit there, don't you have something to say?" There was silence. Stiles didn't know what to say because he didn't know how he should feel about it.

He should feel bad, but he just didn't. He didn't feel sorry about having the same dream he had been having since the 7th grade, he didn't feel sorry for his dream that was triggered by seeing Lydia. _You can't tell her that._ "I don't know what you want me to say." His words came out quieter than he wanted. He looked over at her, he was still wrapped in his blanket. Suddenly feeling uncomfortable he got up and paced. Malia responded by standing, arms crossed leaning against the wall.

It felt like hours had passed, and when Stiles looked out his window he saw the sun coming up. They had been going in circles not getting anywhere. Malia was angry, still unable to control the emotions from being a coyote. Stiles had nothing to say that could validate that it was a mistake, he was frustrated and exhausted. "Malia, there isn't anything I can say that is going to make this better." His tone flat, knowing that she knew he was right. He watched her as she walked toward him. The feeling he used to have when she closed in on him was now gone. _When did that happen?_ He stood, bracing himself for the ever expected slap across the face but he was shocked when it didn't come.

"I'm not surprised. I'm leaving anyway." Malia's words were like cold air hitting Stiles. "What?" He was surprised at how disappointed he sounded, because he didn't feel it. "I'm leaving. Peter and I are leaving to find the Desert Wolf, and I am not coming back." There were a few minutes of silence. Stiles was irked by the relief he felt. "Oh." _That is all you have to say Stilinski?_ The look on Malia's face was one of skepticism. It seemed like she wasn't sure if he even heard her. "Figures, well I'm leaving. We are supposed to leave today so… I guess thanks for the memories." She turned and walked out. Stiles couldn't help but feel a little disappointed. This wasn't how it was supposed to end, but he wasn't hurt by it either. So he chalked it up as a win/win and crawled back into his bed hoping for another hour or two of sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"Stiles had been spending some time with Scott after Malia left. The two would meet at the school to practice Lacrosse for the next year. It was becoming routine, and Stiles liked it. Something else to anchor him to reality and expel some of his erratic energy. Today Stiles had to leave early, he was meeting his dad at the station for dinner. It was his everlasting attempt to get his pops to eat a salad once in awhile./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"After a long battle with his dad on what he should and shouldn't eat, Stiles headed home. As he drove he came across a scene that was not too out of the ordinary in his now supernatural filled life. There was someone lying in the road. Before he really thought it through his Jeep was pulled over on the side of the road and he was running to the seemingly unconscious body. Before he really had the chance to survey the situation he was ambushed./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"A pack of hunters emerged from the treeline and grabbed him. Stiles of course couldn't keep his mouth shut. "Oh hello boys, fancy meeting you here. If you wanted a date you could have asked." His snark was met with a fist to his stomach. "Jesus… what the hell." A very large man walked up to Stiles, getting in his face. "Where is she." emShe? Who? What?/em Right now was not the time for Stiles' ADHD to flare. He started rambling trying to deflect, trying to figure out who the hell they were talking about without actually asking. "We know you have been dating her, where is she? Where is the Coyote?" Realization struck Stiles, they must be looking for Malia to get to the desert wolf. It wasn't necessarily a secret that she had been looking for her. "I don't know." The first time he hadn't lied to save his ass, or his friends. A fist landed on his cheekbone sending stars through his eyes./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"Stiles kept with the "I don't knows" until he was sure that they were going to break his bones if he didn't give them something other than those three words. He felt the blood drip from his nose to his lip, he was sure the next punch would break at least his nose. "Okay, Okay!" He yelled desperate to get them to hesitate for a moment. His breathes sharp and shallow. "She left. The last time I saw her was two weeks ago. She came over, stayed with me, then she broke up with me and said she was leaving with Peter Hale. I don't know where, but dear god she left. Stop using me as your boney punching bag!" Stiles braced for another impact from his smart ass comment, but once again he was surprised when it didn't happen. "Figures." The large man grunted. "Always a step ahead. Let him go." He turned and walked away./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"Stiles was released from the grips of the two other men, and when he got his bearings they were gone. He got into his Jeep and started to drive home. He needed to shower, not only because he was sweaty from practice, but now he was sure his shirt was soaked with blood. emWhy is it always me that they find and prod for information?/em Stiles was angry now, just simply tired of being the punching bag of information. He huffed as he walked through the house, directly up the stairs to get into the shower./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"-/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"Fresh out of the shower Stiles wandered into the kitchen. He was hoping to find the whiskey his dad kept to dull the ache of his face. Just as his eyes fell onto the bottle, he heard a knock on the door. emWho the hell?/em When Stiles pulled the door open he found Lydia standing on the porch. emShit./em He had still been trying to "give her space" but he wasn't sure how to handle this. "Hey." He tried to sound excited. "What are you doing here?" He watched Lydia as she shifted her weight to her other foot. "I wanted to talk to you." emOh god, she knows I have been avoiding her. /emStiles tried to quell his thoughts as he invited her in and they walked up to his room./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"As she stood in his room, Lydia's eyes fell onto Stiles' face. It was like deja vu and Stiles could feel it. "What happened?" Stiles sighed with a bit of a laugh. "Well I was ambushed by a pack of hunters, they were looking for Malia. I told them she left after they made a pretty good attempt to rearrange my face." He looked over at Lydia, she took a step further into his room. "Well, you are a good guy for trying to protect her." Her voice was sweet, and it almost made Stiles sick. He was silent for a moment before he couldn't hold it in anymore. "How the hell am I a good guy Lydia?!" emStop while you can still pull yourself out of this hole Stilinski./em He shook his head. "I didn't get this for being a good guy and you know it." His voice had a little more venom than he intended. Lydia stepped back, crushing her lip between her teeth. emOh for shit sake/em. Realizing what he had done once again, he tried to backtrace. He couldn't get a word out before Lydia was gone. Down the stairs and in her car./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"Stiles slams his fist into his crimeboard, adding bruised knuckles to the list of injuries. "Good going you idiot!" He yelled at himself. The teen plopped down on his bed, biting at his nails. His leg bouncing anxiously. It was deja vu all over again and in more ways than he wanted to think about. The one instance that was plaguing him was that when he and Malia ended he didn't have anything to say, he wasn't hurt that he made her want to leave. But this time it wasn't Malia, it was Lydia and this hurt. It was about 20 minutes before Stiles jumped off of his bed, changed and climbed into his Jeep. It didn't take long for him to find himself parked in front of Lydia's house./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"It appeared that she was the only one home. Stiles found himself wondering how much she was actually left alone. A pang of guilt struck him when he thought about her being alone when supernatural hell broke loose. He climbed up to Lydia's window, as he had done before, and he knocked gently. She looked startled as she walked over to the window. When she noticed who it was she sighed heavily. He couldn't hear it, but he could see it. She unlocked the window and turned away as Stiles climbed through the frame. Sudden awkwardness flooded through him, he stopped just inside the window, shoving his hands in his pockets. Simultaneously looking down and chewing the inside of his cheek. "What do you want?" Her voice broke the silence./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"Her tone hurt him a little, but he knew that he had to say his peace before she kicked him out. "I'm sorry." His voice was a little weaker than he intended, but he didn't really mind either. "I've been on edge since Malia left…" his rambling stopped when she scoffed. Lydia was jealous of Malia, but she swallowed that feeling before she turned to look at Stiles for the first time since he came in. "That timeframe doesn't fit." Her matter of fact tone was almost chastizing to Stiles which she hadn't intended. "I mean, you have been avoiding me. You are on edge every time I am in the same vicinity as you. It isn't just Malia." She crossed her arms as if to solidify the point./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;""Giving you space." Stiles mumbles. "Avoiding." Lydia retorts. Stiles sighs hard, knowing that he couldn't lie to her. She knew exactly what it was. "Okay. Avoiding." A smirk pulled at his lips. He missed the banter between them, and he missed how Lydia would beam when she was right. It made his heartache. That opened the door for conversation. The two talked for a bit, but Stiles could tell there was something that Lydia wanted to say, but was keeping quiet. He didn't push. "Well, I better go." He stood from his seat on her bed and walked toward the front door. There was some tension as Lydia said goodnight to Stiles. She didn't want him to leave, but she couldn't bring herself to make him stay./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"-/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"It took a little time, but Stiles' bruised face healed, and his knuckles cleared up. But that seemed to be the only thing that was gone well for him. He hadn't had a solid night's sleep since Malia left. He still had nightmares, and he hated waking up alone but he rarely woke screaming. It was usually a silent scream, accompanied by a cold sweat. His eyes looked a little bruised, and when he looked in the mirror he looked exactly like he did when the Nogitsune spit him out on the floor./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"The Sheriff was going to be working a double, like he did all the time these days. Scott was working the clinic all day so Stiles felt like staying home. This summer was nothing like he had planned it to be, so it didn't surprise him when there was a knock on his bedroom door and he noticed it was just shy of 8pm. "Yeah?" He turned finding his dad poking his head through the door jam. "You have a visitor. I'm on my way to work. Double, you know. Love you." Then he was gone before Stiles could protest that he didn't want a visitor, he was enjoying reddit too much. Assuming it was Scott, Stiles stood, sighing with annoyance but when he turned he found Lydia standing in his doorway. emDamnit Stilinski, . .Up./em "W-What are you doing here?" His voice confused./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;""I wanted to talk to you." He could hear the nervousness in her voice. emWhat in the hell could make her so nervous about talking to me? Isn't this supposed to be the other way around? /emThoughts swirled in his head. "Have… Have you been sleeping lately?" Here eyes squint a little. emShit./em His stomach drops a little. "No, not really." He fidgets anxiously standing in front of his computer chair. "Whats going on?" She takes a timid step into the bedroom closer to Stiles. He didn't know how to answer. How was he going to say that he constantly dreams of everything he did, everything he didn't want to do, and that Malia leaving made it worse?/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;""Well." He sat down on the side of his bed, Lydia took that as her cue to sit next to him. "I guess it is like PTSD in a way. I still picture everything I did, everything he did. One of the worst is when he stabbed Scott. But I can't tell him that every time I look at him I feel what I did." He had said too much, but it just rolled off his tongue. Why was it so easy to talk to Lydia. "That is because it is PTSD Stiles. You need to talk about it, it will make you feel better." He tensed beside her. How could he just openly talk about it? emNope. Not happening!/em "Obviously when you are ready." As if she read his mind. "Scott has Kira, and we have to have each other." She looked into his whiskey colored eyes. "You can always talk to me." She patted his shoulder./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"emAnd tell you what? That I am more messed up than I lead on? /emStiles let his lips curl up a bit, telling Lydia that he appreciated it without actually saying it. She smiled back. How was it so easy for them to have these conversations, or conversations without speaking at all? It suddenly hit Stiles that he may have lead on too much wondering if she knew more than she let on. If she did, she didn't say anything. They talked for a little longer, mainly about Scott and Kira, then a little about how Isaac was in Spain. It felt natural again, like it had before the Nogitsune struck. It was getting late, and Lydia tried to stifle a yawn. "You should get some sleep." Stiles mumbled a little to her. Fighting the urge to sleep himself. "Yeah I should go." With a smile on his face he walked her to her car. Before Lydia got in, she spun and pulled Stiles into a hug. He froze momentarily. Wondering if this was really happening, but before he could question it he wrapped his arms around her in return. Falling into it as if this was something they did regularly. He remembered how she held onto him when they tried to battle the Nogitsune. Stiles shivered a bit. It ended all too soon, and she drove away./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"-/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"He fell into sleep quickly, but his dream came with it, quickly. This time it was sweetly familiar./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"emHe can feel her strawberry blonde strands twisted in his fingers. His arms wrapped around her like she is going to float away. Their lips are moving, she tastes like raspberries. "Stiles…" His breath hitches, "What Lydia?" Then everything changes. They are in a cold damp hallway. "No, nonononono" his words stream together. Lydia jerks away from him, pain and terror in her eyes. "No… Lydia." He is saying the words, but they are not the words coming out of his mouth. "You know he is dying right?" The pitch of his voice is different. /emOh god… It's not "No." Lydia's words pierce him. "He is dying and he wants you more than ever." Lydia turns and tries to run through the hall. He follows behind her. Taunting her. "You know… whatever you do with me, he will still feel it, even though we are separated." He feels his tongue wet his lips. "Lydia don't listen!" He tries to yell, but nothing actually comes out. He can feel the fear radiating from Lydia./em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"emThen she is pressed against the barred gate. His body is pressed against her. He hears her breath catch like it has in his dreams. "DON'T" He tries to scream again. He knows what is going to happen. Suddenly he feels what the 'not him' feels. He wants to throw up, but he feels the arousal and he just wants to be sick. He would never do this to Lydia, she had to know that. Not like this. He feels his hand grab at her, ripping at her dress. A sob breaks the momentary silence. He is fighting with every part of him to make it stop. This isn't him, she has to know that. He is feeling her terror, and it is morphing with his own. He has to wake up, he has to make this stop. "Please don't Stiles." Her words send a shock to his heart. She thinks it is him./em/p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"Stiles wakes screaming. Gasping for air. When he finally orients himself he feels sick, his body still responding to how the Nogitsune felt in his dream. Running to the bathroom he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. "Get ahold of yourself Stilinski! That never happened!" emDid it?/em Suddenly he felt even more disgusted in himself than before. He kept telling himself that never happened, that was not how it happened. But did he really know? He was separated, focused on saving Lydia that night. He then realized all the small things. Lydia's timid steps into his room, she was jumpy around him. emOh god./em He stumbled back into his room, still feeling like he would be sick. He reached for his phone./p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"He texted Lydia, while he laid on his bed trying to calm himself. He needed her to tell him he was okay. The phone rested on his chest while he stared at the ceiling. *emding ding/em* /p  
p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt;"*emAre you okay? - L* /emThe text read. He took a deep / *emI didn't wake you up did I? - S/em* br / *emNo, I was reading. Now. Answer my question! - L* /emLydia, all /br /Without giving every detail, he told Lydia about having a nightmare, it was the most terrifying one yet. He was seeing through the eyes of the Nogitsune and he couldn't make it stop. Lydia never asked him for details or asked him what "it" was that he wanted to stop, or who was involved. She told him that he was okay, and that they would get through this. He relaxed a little seeing those words, but it didn't make him feel any better about what he was sure actually happened. When Stiles realized that it is 3 AM he insists on Lydia going to sleep, and she doesn't argue./p  
p class="MsoNormal" /p 


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: This chapter is all Stydia. Warning there is a smut scene. Let me know what y'all think. P.s. I do not own Teen Wolf or it's characters, but damn... Stiles... ;)**

After his gut wrenching nightmare, Stiles is moving a lot slower. He shows more signs of exhaustion than he thinks. He is just terrified of going to sleep and seeing… _feeling_ … that again. Lydia starts to worry more, noticing the bruising on his eyes darken. She is trying to chalk it up to Malia leaving, and that his heart was broken. There had to be something she could do. While thinking about it Lydia remembered how Malia would slink into his room and sleep next to him. Human contact could be all he needed, but more than that… Lydia needed to confess to Stiles how she felt. This just backed her decision to sneak into his room.

Stiles wakes with a start. No scream this time, just gasping for breath. This one wasn't as bad as before but he could still see Allison's limp body being pulled from Scott's arms, and in his mind he knew he gave that order. He shook his head trying to free himself from the vision. He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder. His body still waiting for the nightmare to continue. "Stiles?" He sucked in a breath. It was Lydia's voice. _Oh god not this again._ It was almost as if it was a flashback from pre-Nogitsune - the dream within a dream. "Stiles, you are okay. You are awake." Her voice was soothing. It was different than in any of his dreams. Placing his head in his hands he took a few deep breaths. _Is she really in my bed? Is this real?_ Once again as if she could read his mind. "This is real Stiles." She gently pulled his hand away from his face, forcing him to look at her. "See, it is 2 am." She lifted up her phone, and Stiles could read. He read the time, and the words written scriptfully on the background of Lydia's phone. _This is real._ He let out a ragged sigh.

"Why are you here?" He sounded out of breath, and he hoped she didn't take it as him wanting her to leave. "I was worried about you, and I figured that maybe human contact would help." This time her words weren't matter of fact, like she read it in a book somewhere. There was emotion behind them and Stiles couldn't place it. He looks at her, watching her as her eyes roam his face. _That look. How can she look at me like that?_ The feeling of disgust from his nightmare of her crept back into him. "How can you look at me like that?" His voice quiet, with a twinge of pain. He hoped she wouldn't recognize it. "Like what?" Her brow furrowed a bit. He hated himself for it, he didn't want to ruin it. "Never mind." He smiled.

Stiles laid back down, trying to banish the terrible feeling that swirled in his gut. He watched from the corner of his eyes as Lydia dozed off again. He tenses a bit when she rolls into him, pulling him closer to her. This was all he ever wanted, but he can't help but feel like he is going to be sick for her even touching him like that. "Please… Stiles..." Her words make him tense. His muscles feel like they're going to snap. "Sleep. You need it." He lets out a ragged breath when she finished her sleep filled sentence. Never realizing that he had been holding his breath in the first place.

Lydia had been texting Stiles nonstop, but she hadn't made another appearance in his room at night. He felt a little more empty knowing that she hadn't come back, it was more of an ache. He realized he never felt that when Malia left. Taking matters into his own hands Stiles asked Lydia to come over to hang out, that way if she wanted to sneak into his room she would already be there.

It was another double day for Sheriff Stilinski. Stiles had eaten dinner with his Dad, who was expressing worry about how tired Stiles looked. Questioning about his nightmares again. This time Stiles told him with a straight face, and steady heartbeat that he was going to spend time with friends tonight, hoping it would help.

Stiles was antsy when he heard the knock at the door. He swung open the door with a little more excitement than he should have, but if this was as close as he was going to get to a date with Lydia Martin he was going to be excited about it. Even if he felt a little sick every time he saw her. It didn't take long before the two sat on the edge of his bed. Stiles was telling her about the email he got from Isaac, and how he was enjoying Spain. He was talking about Isaac's new drinking habits when he caught Lydia's green eyes searching his face again. The pit of guilt in his stomach grew even more. He turned away letting out a shaky sigh. "What?"

 _Just say it Stilinski!_ "Lydia, how can you look at me like that?" He took a deep breath before turning to look at her again. "Like what? Are you going to finish that thought this time?" The last sentence made Stiles smirk a bit. He had to figure out how to say it without being sick. "H-How can you look at me like I am not the worst person in the entire world. I killed Allison, I killed Aiden… I hurt Scott… I hurt everyone." He was breathing a little harder. Lydia stopped looking for a moment, and Stiles felt like he had been punched. Why did he say that? He knew it would hurt her.

"I feel like Malia leaving hurt you. A lot. And I care about you Stiles. I look at you like that because I have feelings for you, and I don't know if you have feelings for me anymore. So I keep looking because I am too afraid to ask." _What? Lydia Martin… has feelings… for me…. What?!_ Stiles sucked in a sharp breath. It almost hurt to look at her. He wanted to scream that he had feelings for her, but he didn't want to scare her again. "Lydia…" His voice quiet. He watched as her shoulders dropped, as if she expected him to say that he didn't love her anymore. "You need to know why Malia left." The words were out before he could stop them. Lydia's green eyes bore into his, he was sure that she thought something bad had happened. "O-Okay." That was the first time Stiles heard Lydia stutter.

 _Like a bandaid._ Stiles jumped into an explanation. "She came in the window, and she thought I was having a nightmare, but... " He took a shaky breath remembering the dream. "I wasn't having a nightmare. I was dreaming, it was a great dream. Best one I have had in months." He was rambling, nervous again. "She shook me to wake me, and I…" He stopped. Lydia looked on almost begging him to finish the story. "I called her your name." Lydia mumbled something but before she could keep talking Stiles just started again. "That started a fight, she was mad, and I don't blame her but… the thing is I didn't feel bad. I wasn't sorry for it. When she left I didn't care. It was almost like it was easier for me to have her leave hating me, and I still don't care. But… but when you left after asking me about my face, and you left crying… I…" There was a moment. He was trying to swallow the lump growing in his throat. "Then when you left the other day, and you didn't sneak back into my room… I… I felt like a hole was ripped into me. Lydia I have never stopped loving you, and I never will."

Stiles hadn't realized that he stood and was pacing. _When did I get up?_ He stopped and looked at Lydia waiting for her to say something, anything. He just poured his heart out to her and she was sitting there in silence. _Say something._ "Lydia?" he bit down on his lip. His eyes searching hers for something, anything. "Stiles Stilinski." She stood and walked toward him. He swallowed. "Stop. Talking." His lips moved to say something, but they were blocked. Lydia's lips were pressed to his. This was different than the locker room, this wasn't a means to get him to breath.

He was kissing her back, and slowly backing her up against his bed. The motions were fluid, he hadn't even thought of what to do next. It was like his brain wasn't even there. Lydia tore away his shirt, then hers. Stiles looked at her like she was a goddess lying below him. His breathing hitched. He was staring at a topless Lydia Martin. His body responded.

He couldn't hold back anymore, he kissed her again. Massaging her tongue with his. Leaving only to plant kisses down her throat to her pale collarbone. He couldn't believe this was happening, but it was. _Oh god this feels so good._ Light moans slipped from Lydias lips when his hands touched her. She wondered how he could make her feel worshipped while doing something so naughty.

He had stopped before entering her, he had stopped long enough to get a condom from the drawer but then he waited for her to change her mind. Hovering over her. Hesitant. "L-Lydia, are... are you sure?" He was afraid she would say no and he wouldn't be mad. But she didn't. "Please…Stiles…" She almost begged for him, lifting her hips toward him. Lydia tensed as she took all of him, he was gifted. "Shit…" Stiles breathed as she took all of him. "Are..are you okay?" Stiles' motions stopped as he looked down seeing Lydia's eyes clamped shut. His hand reached down to her face cupping her cheek with his long fingers wrapped around the back of her neck. "Hey, if you want to stop…" His voice shook, but he would do whatever Lydia wanted. She let out a ragged breath. "No, keep going… please." Her eyes opened begging him.

As Stiles gently pulled back and pushed in again his lips met hers. They found themselves in a rhythm inciting moans from Lydia. Stiles tried to stay quiet just listening to her as he had always dreamed of. He kissed her neck, occasionally burying his head in the crook of her shoulder and neck when the feeling of her around him almost became too much. His arms cradled her like he never wanted to let go, making Lydia wonder why it took her this long to say she loved him.

As Lydia released sweet moans against Stiles' lips he picked up the pace. Snaking an arm around her hips lifting them from the realized how strong he was as she curled her legs around his waist in response. A groan started low in Stiles' throat feeling more and more of her with every thrust in this new angle. Rolling his hips to meet breaths grew quicker as Lydia squirmed below him. Stiles felt like he couldn't catch his breath but in a good way. He wasn't going to last much longer, but he kept rolling his hips begging with his body for her to come first.

He pressed his damp forehead to hers looking into her green eyes. "Stiles..." his breath shook hearing his name in that tone. _Fuck, shit_. It was going to push him over the edge. "Lydia..." he spoke in reply but her name rolling off his lips like that sent her body into overdrive. As she shattered beneath him, body quaking her hands gripped his arms and shoulders. She kept moaning his name. So close to breaking.

Somehow he had intertwined his fingers with hers and slide their arms up above her head. She pressed her forehead into his shoulder. Hard. _Oh shit._ He thought he was hurting her. His thrusts slowed. "Stiles..please... so.. good." Her words broken by her sharp breathes. He was making her body shatter. When she contracted around him his hips automatically snapped into her, harder than he intended. She screamed his name as he thrusted through her climax.

A passion filled groan slipped from her throat and it sent Stiles over the edge. _Oh god, yes._ He pushed into her clutching her hand and holding her hips to him. His body shuddered forward, his head pressed into her neck. A deep moan came from somewhere deep in his throat, "Fuck.. Lydia...". Stiles gasped for air.

After a moment he stilled above her. The two trying to catch their breath. He gently put her hips back to the bed, slowly pulling away from her trying his best not to hurt her, and kissing away the lines on her forehead where she had screwed her eyes shut when he moved.

Falling onto the bed spent beside her, he pulled his boxers on and handed her his shirt, then she curled into him. For once he was the big spoon, and it felt nice. Nice enough that his eyelids drooped, until he was asleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_"Please… Stiles." The words echoed in his mind. That feeling… the Nogitsunes feelings poured into him, twisting his stomach._

His eyes flew open, sucking in a hard breath. He felt Lydia's body pressed up against him, she wasn't wearing much, she was shivering. He was cold too. _No. No. Nonononono!_ He felt the familiar tingle in his hands as they started to shake violently. Then the sickening feeling pulsed through him. _Oh god, I'm in my room. Oh god, no. Please no. No. NO. This didn't happen. I didn't let this happen, not to her not like that!_ His breathing got sharper, his chest constricted. He had hurt her and she… she asked him not to. He was going to be sick. He wanted to die. His legs betrayed him as he clambered out of his bed and ran to the bathroom slightly aware that he was wearing his pajama bottoms and no shirt. He slammed the door behind him. Throwing up anything and everything that his body had inside of it.

Stiles slid onto the floor, with his legs bent, elbows resting on his knees as he cradled his head into his hands. He felt a shudder tear through his body. He was still shaking, his breathes still short. _Oh god… I liked it._ He heard the sob come from his chest, but it sounded muffled. He was falling full blown into panic attack. "Stiles? Are you okay?" He heard her voice through the door. _Oh god… no… no. This isn't real._ "Stiles I'm coming in!" When Lydia came through the door, she found Stiles shivering on the floor covering his face. He was panicking, breath quick and mumbling. "this isn't real. Oh god this isnt real." Lydia slowly walked over to him, kneeling down. Pulling his hands away so he could see her. Her hands felt warm against his icy skin. He couldn't bring himself to look at her. Stiles could hear the worried tone of her voice. _I hurt her and she is worried about me?_ The room felt too small. Lydia had stood to grab a towel to wipe the sweat from his face, but when she turned around he was gone. "Stiles?" Panic riddled her voice.

She could hear his shaky breath in his room. He stood bracing the wall with one hand, and dragging the other through his hair. She took the chance to slip between him and the wall. Her hands gently grabbing his face. "Stiles." Her voice soft. "This isn't real." Her heart seized. "Stiles, you are awake. Here count with me." She lifted her hands away from Stiles and he pushed back from the wall, bracing himself with his hands on either side of her.

"One..." his voice shaking. Gasping for air. He counted off each number until, "t-ten." He looked away from her hands and actually looked at her she was wearing his shirt and boyshorts. She looked so vulnerable pinned between him and the wall. _This would never happen. This isn't real._

Anger flew through Stiles as the feeling of disgust for what he had done squeezed at him. This nightmare feeling more real than any of them. He growled low and deep with anger, then he slammed his fist into the wall. Pain vibrated through his arm, when he opened his eyes he saw Lydia covering her face with her arms. _Oh god. This... this_ is _real!_

Panic hit him hard. _Oh jesus..._ "W-what... oh god." He stumbled backwards away from Lydia. Anything to make her stop cowering before him. His back hit the ball across the room and he let his body hit the floor. Feeling the tears prick his eyes. He didn't want to hurt her, he never wanted that. _I've ruined everything._ There was a tense silence. Stiles couldn't bring himself to look at the vulnerable girl in his room. He could hear her shaky breathing, the sound like a punch to the stomach. Knocking all the air out of him. But it wouldn't come back.

This wasn't a typical panic attack. Stiles actually though he was going to die. He was okay with that. After what he had done he didn't deserve to breathe again. He felt his lips turning blue, and heard the sound of the sharp inhales his body was trying to swallow. "Oh no you don't Stiles!" Her voice was half a cry. "You do not get to stop breathing on me." There was fierce anger in her voice. She pulled his hands from his face. Pressing her lips to his hard. He could feel tears starting to spill over his lashes. A deep breath sucked through his nose. _How does she do that?_ When her lips pulled away she left some space between the two of them.

Stiles slowly started the breath again. His still shaky hands wiping his face. "I-I'm... s-so... s-sorry." A sob released from his chest before he could stop it. "I-I didn't... I didn't mean to...god please don't... hate me." He was begging. If she hated him he wouldn't blame her, but it would hurt so much. "What?" There was shock and surprise in her voice. Stiles looks at her his whiskey eyes searching her emerald orbs. "Why... why would you say that?" There was a little bit of hurt in her voice.

"I-I hurt you... god Lydia I didn't mean... I didn't want..." his words choked by his hiccuped breath. The sobs didn't help his lungs get the air they needed. "Stiles what are you talking about?" Lydia looked confused and then there was a quiver of her bottom lip. "You... you didn't want to..." she felt stupid. But before she said anything else she looked at Stiles. Really looked at him. His eyes bruised from lack of sleep now red rimmed, and he looked utterly terrified. He was shaking uncontrollably. "Stiles get in bed." She didn't expect him to do it, but he did. He sat down with his knees bent and back against the headboard. Lydia was thinking of something to say to break the silence but Stiles did it for her. "Lyds..." he looked up at her "you know I wouldn't hurt you right. Please... tell me you know I would never make you do something you didn't want to do. Please... tell me you don't hate me for what I have done." A silent tear rolled down his cheek. Now she was really confused. She had no clue what he was talking about.

"Why would I hate you?" She gently grabbed his hand. He looked at her knowing he would have to tell her. "Because of what I let him do. In the tunnel, when he kidnapped you. I couldn't make him stop. I couldn't make him stop saying all those things, and touching you... saying that is what I wanted... not like that Lyds. Never like that. And this worst part is I felt how much he liked it and I think I liked it." He screwed his eyes shut not wanting to see how she looked at him.

"Stiles... the Nogitsune didn't touch me like that. He wanted you to think that." Her voice was so soothing, and soft. "Don't lie to me Lydia. I see how jumpy you are around me, how timid you are when you step into my room. Like I am going to blink and turn into him and force you into things all over again." A small laugh fell from her lips. She grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. "Stiles... we did have sex. Tonight. That was the first time I have ever been with you, or any version of you." Her face looked like she was hurting, but not for herself, but for Stiles as understanding crushed through her. "Don't you remember, you asked permission." Her smile dampened by a tear.

Everything rushed back to him. The two of them twisted together in his bed. How he held her, kissed her and how she breathed his name. Telling him not to stop. "Oh... ye-yeah." His breath hitched as his body stirred at the thought. "Stiles..." she looked torn. She bit down on her lip and suddenly his fear changed from himself to her. He remembered how she pressed her head into him. _I did hurt her, just not like I thought._ "What is it Lydia?" His voice softened to the tone of the strong Stiles she always needed. "No one has ever held me like that, or well... it's never been like that. That was the best it has ever been. No one held my hand, no one asked if I was okay. And... no one has ever treated me like that." A tear slipped from her eyes. She was trying to will away the tears. "And no one has ever held me like they were going to lose me."

Stiles stared at her, his lips parting as every word she said hit him hard. All he has ever wanted to do was have her, but not for the sex. He wanted her for everything she had to offer. So it hurt him to hear that she had never been loved like that. It hurt him even more when he thought about how he punched the wall next to her. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to scare you. I mean, I don't mean to scare you." _She's still jumpy around me, and she is still timid and scared. I didn't make it better._ "Stiles Stilinski, you don't scare me... but..." she paused and could see his shoulders visibly slumped as if he was expecting something worse. "The fact that I love you scares me. The fact that you are not okay scares me." The last part was quiet. He almost didn't hear it.

Stiles reached out and pulled her into his lap. Tugging the comforter up around him he pressed her body into his firm torso. She was wrapped up in him, his hand holding her head to his chest, and his other arm wrapped around her waist. "Lyds." He whispered as they now lay together him holding her as though she would be pulled from him. "Yeah?" Her voice shook.

"I've wanted to touch you like that since we were in seventh grade. Don't think for one minute when I said I didn't want to before that I meant make love to you." Lydia inhaled sharply. She was never more in love with him than she was now. "I know." She whispered. Stiles felt warm liquid touch his chest. Lydia was crying.

 _Shit._ "I hurt you didn't I?" Stiles lifted her chin to look at her eyes. "Don't deny it. Please." Lydia took a deep breath, feeling a twinge between her legs. "A little." Stiles swallowed hard. He knew it. He had been too rough with her, gotten carried away. "Why didn't you tell me? I could have stopped." His eyes full of concern. Lydia had to squash that right then and there. She swallowed and took a moment before answering. "Lyds, please." He begged.

With a heavy sigh, she smirked at him. "Because it wasn't what you were doing that hurt. Stiles... I... you... you are the best I've ever had, and the uh..." she bit her lip and her cheeks shined pink. "Tell me." Stiles' voice soft, and so... loving. "Well.. Stiles you are the most gifted man I have ever had the pleasure to be with." His breath shook as he laughed a little. He wasn't expecting that. Not that at all.

"Lydia Martin, are you telling me that I am too big for you?" He tried to lighten the mood. His lips curled at the corners smirking down at her feeling the lust fill him again. "You are a lot to handle Stilinski and I love you." A laugh escaped her lips.

Stiles flopped backwards flush on his back being overly dramatic as he flung his right arm over his face. "Oh god she loves me! Finally!" He almost yells. Lydia tries to suppress a laugh but she can't. In one swift strong movement Stiles has her laying on top of him her nose to his. "I love you Lyds. I always have and I am not going to stop now." He kissed her passionately. Her hips pressed into him a silent plea for more. With shaky breath Stiles pulled away slightly, "we aren't sleeping tonight are we?" His smirk was met with a laugh from Lydia. "Only if you don't let me go."

Stiles response was a deep kiss, then rolling her beneath him once more.


End file.
